She Sharpens Me

My sweet firstborn.  She is brave.  She is smart.  She is strong.  Shiloh has and always will push me and test me and force me to be better.  The day she was born and she placed on my chest, she forced my heart open and in an instant, I was hers to sharpen.

As much as I soaked up any advice from other moms, books, or articles… it was in the nitty gritty of the daily diaper changes, the rigors of sleeping and nursing her (sometimes simultaneously), and then seeing her bravely exploring the world around her, it was in those moments that she grew me into a mom.  Each new milestone challenged me.  Each year, new challenges became milestones.

And now, I sit in my home, watching her during her school time, and I realize she is sharpening me still.  Capri and Leilani do also, but not in the same way.  There is something uniquely mysterious to parenting Shiloh through each day.  As the oldest, I have noticed she is the daughter who leads me down new adventures in parenting.  I do not know what to expect.  I can not predict based on experience what her next big milestone will be.  She is unchartered territory.  She holds so many of my firsts, and promises to give me many more firsts in the future.

As I watch her, and reflect on this, I realize how big my heart has grown.  My heart is ready to burst open with how much love I have for her this day.  I watch her read.  I listen to her stumble through big words and giggle when they don’t sound right.  We can laugh with each other because we have the same sense of humor.  She sharpens me as she works through her math assignments.  To witness her struggle and have to persevere through frustration and tears, brings me to new places of dependence on God.  I do not have all the answers and I do not have any practice in parenting a six year old.   So I find my prayers for her to be filled with utter submission and a cry out for God to guide me and give me wisdom.

But this little lady, my firstborn daughter is a treasure.  I am so proud of her, and proud of the little woman she is becoming, the sister she is, and the pure reflection of God’s wonder that she has always been.  And today, I am a little bit sharper because of her.


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